Courtney Roome
Narrative Essay
Did you know that about 8 million Americans today have an eating disorder? Did you also know that Americans spend over $40 billion on dieting and diet-related products each year (Smolak, 1996)? Eating healthy and living a healthy lifestyle is a big issue our society faces today. Many people are not getting the proper education to be knowledgeable about the many diseases, and illnesses, as well as preventative techniques to avoid them. Eating disorders are an example of one very serious condition that must be helped and treated otherwise death is at hands.
I am bringing up this issue to raise awareness to the public and advocating for more effective preventative health care education while children are young. We need more health promotion and exercise activism in kids at a younger age to eventually stop their unhealthy habits, lifestyles, and thoughts!
When I was younger, about in 5th I noticed my family start to have more problems and fight on a regular basis. For most of it, I was kept in the dark, unaware about what is going on and why people were acting the way they were. That spring, I went away on a vacation with my family to Florida where I first began to understand the rise of our family problems.
It all happened after the flush of a toilet. My parent’s were banging on the bathroom door, yelling for my sister to come out. My dad escorted me into the kitchen, a little further away from the bathroom so he could talk to me in private.
“Ashley is sick,” he told me. I remember thinking, “Sick? How? What kind of sickness?”
My dad described to me that my sister had an illness of her body and mind, and that it is something very complicated and sometimes hard for others to understand. At my young age, I did already know the basics about eating disorders, however not enough to have a full understanding of how and why it grew on my sister.
Growing up in our childhood and adolescent years, Ashley and I had many ups and downs, however we always had each other’s backs no matter what. It took Ashley a while to reach out to me and really speak to me about what is going on in her life and body. It hurt my family and I to see what she was going through and not be able to help her or understand why.
Ashley left home for a while too to seek treatment; sometimes weeks and sometimes months at rehabilitation centers, hospitals, and other care units. We lost a lot of money going through all the expenses trying to make sure my sister was mentally stable and had a clear head on her shoulders. It was actually ridiculous the amount of money we spent, as well as the amount of money that our insurance company would not cover, especially in dire time. The estimated treatment of an eating disorder in the US ranges from $500 per day to $2,000 per day. The average cost for a month of inpatient treatment is $30,000 (Mirasol, 2010).
It took Ashley over 8 years to get through some successful treatment and therapies. To this day, she is still having inner struggles that only she knows how to handle. Her illness and instability took a huge part out our family throughout the years. We went through MANY rough times and difficulties that we are still working through. Eating disorders are serious illnesses that can hurt not only the individual but families as well. There are many good therapeutic treatments out there for people living with eating disorders however it takes many years till full recovery, if that. There should also be more preventative education on eating disorders for young girls and boys to make sure they are aware of the severity of the disorders and how it affects you and your loved ones.
References:
ANAD. "General Information." National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. ANAD, 2011. Web. 19 Apr. 2011. <http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/ general-information/>. Mirasol. "Eating Disorder Recovery Centers." Mirasol. N.p., 2010. Web. 18 Apr. 2011.
<http://www.mirasol.net/eating-disorders/information.php>.
NEDA. National Eating Disorders Association. N.p., 2011. Web. 19 Apr. 2011. <http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-resources/ general-information.php#terms-definitions>. 
Courtney,
ReplyDeleteGreat topic! Eating disorders are so influential in our society today and sadly, so prominent. It was a relatable topic to use.
The one thing I would say is that your claim was clear but, maybe too clear. I know that sounds weird but just roll with it. Your claim was mentioned from the beginning so I knew exactly what the paper was going to push and what your story was going to be about. At times, it almost felt like a commercial. Like you were trying to make me believe that there should be more treatments and knowledge. Is this arguable? But, regardless of that, it just was almost too pushed from the start that there was nowhere for it to go with me. From the beginning, I knew the rest. Maybe start out with a metaphor or a catching start? I like the questions but, is there a way to make it less commercial esque.
Sorry, that was a lot to say but, that was my only critique. Everything else I loved. The story was great and had such an impact on me. I would even start it with the "It all happened after the flush of a toilet." Such a clear image and powerful!
Great start, Courtney and I can't wait to see the final draft :)
Peggy
Hey Courtney!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I wanted to start off by saying your topic choice was very good. Eating disorders are a prevalent growing issue in our culture today that are not addresses enough. You did a good job of using simple logos in your introductory paragraph that would not overwhelm the reader. Instead you opted for standard statistics that are easy to read and understand. I like how you provided a second paragraph write after your introduction devoted specifically to explaining your main point. This was a new fresh approach that I have not seen used in many essays before. You did a good job of waiting until the middle of your essay to use the narrative technique. Most people used it as their introduction to open up their essay, but you showed that it was just as effective placed in the middle of the essay.
There were really only a few areas that I noticed could use a little improvement and extra detail. One of them was, in your fifth paragraph, maybe you could say how old you were exactly when this first started happening. It would help illustrate to the reader how your age affected your knowledge and how you dealt with the situation. I also thought that you could go on to explain what in patient treatment is. Not all readers are familiar with these clinical terms and it would be useful to know what they mean. Other than that you had a solid essay. Your sources look good and credible and you are clear about what your main point and argument are throughout your paper. Your conclusion really drove your point home and wrapped up your essay in a way that flowed with its overall structure.